The Sword of Winter: A Magnus Chase Fanfiction
by Mister Asylum
Summary: I probably regret this fanfic even more than you do. Only the worlds' stupidest fanfic writer could completely forget about Hearthstone and Blitzen altogether. *Slaps forehead.* So I ask you to please not criticize the plot holes, because it's a fanfic. And read at your own risk.


**The Sword of Winter**

 **A Magnus Chase Fanfiction**

 **Note:**

 **I, Teressa Starr, probably regret this fanfic's existence even more than you do. Only the worlds' stupidest fanfic writer could completely forget about Hearthstone and Blitzen altogether. * _Slaps forehead.*_ So I ask you to please not criticize the plot holes, like that Magnus doesn't have asthma after dying, but hey, it's a fanfic, I can be flexible. And read at your own risk.**

 **And also, I don't know if you caught it, but there's a hidden Magnus Chase reference in this note. What is it (this is also only for people who were paying attention in English.)?**

I willed Jack to turn back into sword form, and immediately regretted it.

"You know, I've been thinking, you don't understand what it's like to be me!" He barked.

"Alright." I agreed. "I don't. But listen, we've gotta go to the battle for today's-"

"No! You don't get it! I'm lonely!"

I blinked. "Alright. How do you want me to help with that exactly?" I asked, beginning to get irritated with my sword.

"All the hot weapons I've dated have never said a word to me! I need a girlfriend who'll talk to me!"

I held back a laugh. "Um, Jack, I'm pretty sure talking weapons other than you are a little...uncommon to come across." Or in this case, "uncommon" meant "impossible".

"But, you can do it, right?" He asked, a touch of hope in his voice.

"Jack, you're-"

I was cut off by knocking on my door. Alex yelled in, "C'mon Magnus! We're gonna miss the battle!"

"Jack, we'll talk later, but now we've gotta go."

Jack groaned. "Fine."

Throughout the whole battle, Jack was less singing obnoxious pop music and more singing depressed thousand-year-old-sword hip hop. I could've sworn I saw someone kill herself when he got too near, it was that bad. And considering how much people in Valhalla care about these things, that's like, the mortal equivalent of, like, singing as bad as Jack in front of the whole country. And let me tell you, I cannot emphasize enough how horrible Jack's voice is. It's like a person choking on a living cricket that's still chirping in his throat. Or something like that.

That day, I died trying to get Jack to shut up. I was just yelling at my sword in the middle of a battle (I'm _very_ smart by the way), when out of nowhere a bullet went through my left ear and out my right. Not my personal favorite way to die. When I woke up a few hours later, I woke up to, "Oh, finally, you're up. So you said we'd talk later, and now it's later soo,"

"Jack, would you shut your nonexistent mouth for five seconds!" I mumbled to myself.

"What's that?"

"Nothing." I lied.

"Okey dokey, so as I was saying, I read that if we go to-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold up, you can _read?_ " I looked at him in awe.

"Of course I can read, what, do you think I don't have a brain?"

"Uhh," I said, pretty sure my sword _didn't_ have a brain.

"So anyway, I read that if we go to Australia-"

"I'm not bringing you to Australia."

"Let me finish! If we go to Australia, we can get plane tickets to London for _much_ cheaper." Jack said.

I blinked. "Why don't we just take a plane to London?"

"Huh, I never really thought about that…."

I was beginning to wonder if Valhalla had a mental hospital, and if so, if they allowed swords as patients.

"Alright Jack, just get to the point. What's in London?" I asked, annoyed.

"Winterbrander, The Sword of Winter!" He announced proudly.

I stared blankly at the floating blade. "That's a joke, right?"

"Nope. Completely serious. Judging by the picture, she's a real babe. _And_ she can talk."

"Wait, what book did you read this in?" I asked.

"That one." He pointed the tip of his blade to a book on the floor. When I picked it up, I saw its title: _Magical and Powerful Weapons of the Nine Worlds._ I opened to the contents and saw that pages 394-399 were about Winterbrander and Summerbrander. I flipped to the page, and read,

 _Summerbrander, or the Sword of Summer, is the sharpest blade known to the nine worlds. He (gender assumed by voice) was once the sword of Frey and radiates great joy and happiness. He is last known to be lost, and potentially somewhere near Boston. Summerbrander is one of only two talking weapons in the nine worlds, along with Winterbrander, the Sword of Winter. Winterbrander, unlike Summerbrander, does_ not _radiate happiness, but more longing and sad feelings. She (gender assumed by voice) is known to lure mortals, especially teenage boys, into traps from which they seldom escape. Winterbrander is supposedly the sword of Hel, but many believe Hel abandoned the sword after her sword failed to keep a hero from stealing souls back from her._

"Jack," I said. "What does seldom mean?"

"Are you an _idiot?_ You read all that, and once you finish, all you have to say is, 'what does seldom mean?'! I could have a girlfriend!" He screamed at me. "And also, you don't know what _seldom_ means?!"

I stared back at the book. Part of my thought it couldn't be right, because one, I was pretty sure souls in Helheim stayed in Helheim, and two, Jack did _not_ seem to radiate 'Great joy and happiness'. Plus, this lady sword did _not_ sound like she was a...good sword. She sounded like a very very very bad sword. "Jack, I'm not sure you want a sword who lures teens to their death. That seems like a very not nice thing to do." God, I just _love_ how great I am at descriptive language. I wonder if Valhalla has a school. If so, I wondered if I'd get an A in learning adjectives to the death.

 _BANG BANG BANG!_ "Magnus! What are you _doing?_ I've been listening to you argue with your sword for the last twenty minutes!" Alex yelled.

"Wait, what? Alex, what time is it?" I asked.

"You were resurrected nearly three hours ago probably!" She screamed in an irritated tone. "So get your butt out here right now!"

I glared at Jack. "We'll deal with this later." I whispered, willing him into pendant form and leaving my room.

"Hey, you big moron, why are you fighting with Jack?" Alex asked. She was female at that point.

"Eh, he wants to marry some sword from Helheim. Literally."

"Well, hey, we won't have to deal with him for at least another hour now." She said, then kissed me on the cheek. Jack angrily vibrated against my neck. I was beginning to see why the initials for "Sword of Summer," were, "SOS."

At the feast, they learned about one new hero in Valhalla. Andrew Hel, who was actually the son of Tyr, was the hotel's newest member. Nothing else notable happened at the feast. But when I got back, Jack wouldn't stop angrily vibrating. Eventually, I had to let him talk.

"So, I've found more information!"

"What?" I asked.

"About _her_!"

"How, Jack? You were with me the whole time!"

"Dude, I'm Jack. Summerbrander. The Sword of Summer. It's not difficult!"

"But I thought-"

"So, I figured out where she is now! Exact location! And who her owner is!" He sounded too excited to refuse.

"Alright, continue." I said, looking at my toes.

"So, lucky us, she's in America! But, unlucky us, she's also in Alaska!"

"Dude, Alaska isn't even like, part of America!" I protested.

"But it is though! Go back to, like, fourth grade!" Jack yelled. "You promised we could go anywhere in America! Can we go tomorrow? Please? Please please please please please please please?"

"Actually I didn't promise-"

"Thank you so much, Señor!" Jack yelled, launching through the wall of my room and eventually out of the entire hotel. I now knew why room service hated me so much.

I walked into the airport, Jack buzzing against my neck in pendant form. Sam, brave little Samaria, was flying us to Alaska. Naturally, Alex had to come with me (because face it, it's a Magnus Chase fanfiction. Alex and Sam have to come.). The flight was nearly a day, but Jack kept us occupied. "Oh, I'm so excited! Wanna do something fun while we're there? It'll be so much fun! I'll have a _girlfriend_!" Yeah, imagine twenty-two hours of that.

We were renting a cabin not far from the airport in Anchorage. I've gotta' say, I was expecting Alaska to be more...Alaska-y. Like, it was warm. And not covered in snow. But, I did see three moose and a bear on the twelve-minute drive to the cabin. By the time we got there, it was two A.M. Boston time, so ten P.M. here. I was exhausted, so I passed out within the minute we arrived, and let Alex and Sam unpack everything.

And I got almost eight minutes of sleep.

"Hey! Hey hey hey hey hey!" Jack was screaming in my face. "Wake up, you big sleepyhead!"

"Ugh. Sleep deprivation. Goodnight, Jack."

"No, good _morning_! You went to bed in the morning, silly!"

"Jack, if I die in Alaska, you won't be able to get me back to Valhalla, you do realize?"

"And getting up in the morning kills you?" Jack tilted to one side.

"No, sleep deprivation!"

"Uh, you humans and your sleep. Fine, you have eight hours."

"Thank you, Jack." A said, yawning.

Jack went away muttering about rich dead people problems.

Now I actually got sleep. Jack stayed true to his promise and woke me up eight hours later. "Ready?" He asked.

"No," I replied, yawning. "Do I look ready?"

"Eh, you never look ready. You're Magnus Chase."

"Yes, Jack, thank you for the reminder." I said sarcastically.

"No problem, for the guy finding be a girlfriend!" Jack exclaimed.

I sighed. "So do you even know where we're going?" I asked.

"Yeah, we're hiking a glacier!" He jovially replied.

I sighed again. "I guess it's a good day for an asthma attack." I muttered.

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, Jack."

I went into the kitchen, to find Sam and Alex already up and ready. Alex rolled her eyes. No. _His_ eyes. "See, this is why you don't bring Magnus Chase on quests." He said, looking to Sam for approval.

Sam nodded.

"Genius," Alex said. "That's our way of telling you to go get ready."

"Of course. No good morning. Just typical Alex." I said. He nodded.

"Yeah, I think this is pretty typical Alex."

I rolled my eyes and went back upstairs. In my bag, I also ended up bringing my inhaler, just in case my asthma _did_ attack.

It was an hour dive to the boat port. We'd be taking a water taxi, to get to the glacier, and just looking at its size from a distance made me want to turn back. It was huge. The mountains around it were much much bigger, but it was tremendous.

I gulped. "Jack, you sure we're in the right place? You sure she's not in like, Florida or something?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure." Jack said.

"Pretty sure?" I asked hopefully.

"I'm positive."

All my hope died.

When the water taxi arrived at the glacier, Jack didn't hesitate a second. We all ended up sprinting off to the glacier, Luckily, my asthma didn't hit.

"Jack!" I panted. "Don't go ahead like that!"

"Sorry, I forgot about that."

"Just don't forget again."

"You've got it!"

We uneventfully walked for three and a half hours, before Jack stopped suddenly.

"Jack?"

"I can feel it. It's like magnets. We're two sides of a coin."

"Wait, what? There's nothing here, Jack! And stop doing that thing with your voice!"

"There is something here. Look harder." With his blade, god, that thing is deadly sharp, he cut a circle in the thick ice. "It's down there."

I brushed the snow of the ice, revealing a blurred and rotted trapdoor. Nervously, we all helped pull up the ice.

Once it was cut to small pieces and removed, I nervously reached for the door handle.

The musky air in the corridor beneath the door finally triggered the asthma attack. Combined with all the walking, my lungs had enough. Alex, who was female now, was holding my bag, and I was to busy trying to not strangle myself to ask for the inhaler I brought. Eventually, after I was tugging on my bag for a few seconds, she got the message. A few seconds later, I was breathing semi-normally.

"Sorry for taking so long to figure it out, Maggie."

"Alex, if you weren't so pretty, I would kill you." I glared at her. She chuckled.

Out of pure nervousness, we were silent after that. Jack glowed happily in front of us, but he eventually seemed scared too.

"Did you guys hear that?" He asked.

We all stopped. It was silent.

"No." Alex said for everyone.

"Wait, I hear it, too." Sam answered, putting her hand to her ear. "Listen."

Then I heard it too. It was a sound too familiar. The buzzing of a sword blade. "That's you I think, Jack." I said.

"No it isn't. It's _her._ "

"Do you see her?" Sam asked.

"No, but the magnetic pull is getting stronger." He replied excitedly.

"Then let's go. No time to lose." Alex said matter-of-factly.

We all started moving again, and eventually, I could make out whispers. To women. In voices that were sharp on their S's.

" _Really, I can feel it. The Sword of Summer is here._ " One said.

" _Just be patient, dear. He'll be gone soon. Him, the two dead kids, and the ex-Valkyrie._ "

My stomach flipped, but Jack didn't seem to care, and kept floating along. Eventually, they came to a door.

"In here!" Jack whispered. I shook my head and drew my finger across my throat, but Jack did not heed this warning, and politely knocked on the door. I bit off a nail as it slowly creaked open.

I wanted to turn and run, expecting to see Hel or something, but instead saw the face of a calm, non-half-zombie girl, maybe around my age, if not a bit older. She shook her head in disappointment.

"Well, this is certainly interesting company. I should rephrase, this is certainly interesting. There are living-well, a living person and two dead people here. And of course the obnoxious Summerbrander."

Jack gasped. "Miana? Wow, for having been dead a thousand years, you look _great_!"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Who's this ugly blond kid? Tell me he's not your new master. If you've reached a point this low-"

Jack chuckled nervously. I wanted to tell her that my name wasn't "this ugly blond kid," but I decided to play it safe.

The girl sighed. "So, Summerbrander, I assume you haven't met my little darling?"

"The sword?" Alex interrupted boldly. "Just saying, I think it'll be _his_ little darling pretty soon." She pointed to Jack.

The girl looked at Alex, her eyes full of disgust.

"I'd watch what you say in my presence, girl. Or else you might regret it." She pulled Jack into the room and slammed the door.

"Ooh, now I'm intimidated." Alex sarcastically said.

"Alex, I really think you should take her seriously. She seemed like she was telling the truth." Sam said.

"Dude, she was like, ten. I'll be fine."

"What'd ya mean she was ten? She was like, sixteen!" I interrupted.

"What are you two talking about? She was like, fifty!" Sam stated.

We all stared at each other like each of us though every other was insane.

"I'm guessing it's magic?" I said.

"Oh thank you, captain obvious, that was very difficult for us to figure out." Alex said, looking at me like I was an idiot, which I was.

I was about to say something, probably something stupid, but then I heard from in the room, a scream. For a split second, I thought, _he should've listened to me,_ but that quickly changed to, _oh crap, Jack's getting taken by a freaking madwoman!_ And like the genius I was, I reached for the obviously locked doorknob instead of breaking in the rotted door.

Alex slapped her forehead and didn't say a word to me for the rest of our journey. She silently came over and broke the door in, but the room was not what I expected it to be. It had three seemingly abandoned corridors, but the actual room was very well-kept, not a single speck of dust. As I was admiring it, Sam said, "Alex says to tell you you're a moron and to come on." They were both going down the left corridor, so I hurried to follow.

"How do you know they're down here?" I asked.

"Because the other two are trapped." Sam said, as if this was obvious.

"How do you know?" I was very confused.

"Oh my freaking-alright, Magnus, I'll teach you when we get back, but for now, would you just shut your mouth?" She asked, and I could tell she was at the end of her temper. Now, with both Sam and Alex avoiding me, I decided to be quiet. And eventually, we actually camped out in the tunnel for the night.

We woke up the next morning, and Alex was still being silent. Sam was the one who had to tell me to get ready to go.

"C'mon. We're going _now_."

I really didn't want to get up, but I really had no other choice. So, I followed the two girls down the corridor, in what is becoming a very dumb fanfiction.

Eventually, we came to another door we could hear voices behind.

"Miana, I care not that you've brought me yet another talking blade. I think it's time for you to come home. Now."

I knew the voice too well for only having heard it twice before. Hel. The half-zombie goddess and ruler of Helheim, land of the dishonored dead.

"No, please, there's more-"

"Miana, I-"

"I have two dead kids and a living one!"

There was silence, as Hel seemed to consider this offer.

But then, as if to just let us know he was in there, my sword spoke. "Hey, in their defense, it was kind of my fault. I wanted a girlfriend, but she seems to refuse of my affections." He sniffled. This was followed by a sigh.

"Summerbrander, we've been through this. We're SIBLINGS. Stop being weird."

"Dude, we're swords, we don't have DNA."

"Still, though. Even if we aren't, I'm not into people who're, like, happiness beacons."

"I'll never be happy without you, though." Jack replied sadly.

I bit my bottom lip in disgust as the lady sword replied, "Uh, what is it with you people? You don't need happiness. You're literally radiating it into the air and to me."

"Sorry, but you're just too pretty to leave. And your very nice mistress here gave you a very nice name, too. I'll try to convince Magnus to name his daughter that after he marries Alex."

Alex threw up in her mouth as I turned pink. Was it even possible to have kids if you're both dead? It was probably worth a Google Search, but I turned down the thought eventually, and kept listening to the conversation.

"Yeah, well, also, your name is Jack. My mistress was clearly more creative than your master."

I balled my fists because Jack decided to name himself that after I said, "I don't know Jack," while we were discussing a name for him.

"Hey, I um...agree, Lydia. Can I call you that? Or is that just you and your mistress? Or do you want me to keep calling you Winterbrander?"

"The latter, please." Winterbrander replied.

Jack sighed. "Alright. So can you remind me why I'm still here?"

"Uh, I don't know, unless you're still trying to get me to go out with you."

"Oh, right, that _is_ why I'm here? But wait, if you've already turned me down, then can I leave?"

"YES PLEASE." She quickly replied.

Jack sniffled.

"Oh, and Summerbrander, bring the two girls out with you, could you?"

"Yes. And call me Jack."

"No."

"Okay." He sniffled as he opened the door and floated out. "Whoa! How long have you guys been here?" He exclaimed when he saw us, startled.

"Since the words, Miana, I care not that you've brought me another talking blade." Alex replied.

"Whoa, you've got a sharp memory? Oh, and that means you heard the part about naming your children too?" He glowed bright pink as Alex balled her fists, trying to hold her temper.

"Yes, Jack. I heard that too." She didn't look at him while she spoke.

"Oh, sorry. Are you two fighting again?"

Alex shook her head. "No, I'm just avoiding him for being an IDIOT."

"Oh, that sucks. Well, we're abandoning him here, so maybe when you see each other again you can put apart your differences?"

"Wait, you're actually abandoning me?" I asked, offended, although I felt like I should have also been feeling other emotions.

"Sorry, Señor. The hot lady sword told me to-"

"JACK, DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT THE HOT LADY SWORD RIGHT NOW!" I yelled. Alex grinned and shook her head.

Jack glowed blue. "But I do."

"Dude, she turned you down and wants to kill me. Again."

Jack sighed. "Fine, but you have to hurry, because she can still hear us."

That was the fasted I'd ever run in my life. Granted, it wasn't very fast, and I was behind everyone else, but hey, it was good for me. Once we reached the room with the three tunnels, I jumped through the broken down door and eventually fell behind. When I caught up, Jack was trying to break through not-so-thick ice that had frozen over the trapdoor. Eventually, Alex jumped with her enhirji strength, smashed her head on the door, and broke through the ice. Despite the large bump on her head, she was still up and out of the fortress faster than I was.

After that, we actually managed to turn a three-hour-hike on a glacier into a thirty-minute-sprint-for-your-life. When we reached the bottom, panting, we realized it was all for nothing. Sam slapped her forehead.

"Most likely they're all magically sealed in that fortress. It probably goes right to Helheim."

I also slapped my forehead, and Alex followed lead. "Ow!" she yelled, accidentally slapping the lump on her head. I snorted.

"Oh, shut up, Magnus."

We walked the rest of the way to where the water taxi was picking us up. When we reached land where we were going, the driver said, "that's eighty dollars."

Alex snorted, then realized he was serious. "I don't have any cash on me. Magnus?" She looked at me hopefully.

"Don't look at me!" I yelled.

We all looked at Sam, who rolled her eyes and pulled four twenty-dollar bills out of her wallet.

Two days later, we were back to Valhalla. Jack was still a little sensitive when we talked about his failed date, but we hadn't asked him about it since the night it happened. "Jack?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"Not to offend you, but you're not gonna try again with that sword, are you?"

He snorted. "No way. Love is overrated, apparently. Wanna go get some Falafel or something?"

"Jack, you know me too well."

THE END.

 **Note: I'm very sorry for this lousy fanfiction. I'm going to try again for a Magnus Chase fanfiction, so if you liked this, there's more coming. If you didn't, then I'm sorry for wasting your time. And also, the answer to the hidden reference at the beginning was I put the apostrophe after the s in worlds, to show more than one and ownership. Since there are nine worlds in Norse Mythology, it's reference. So...tell me if you got it or not?**


End file.
